1st Broadcast 17th - 20th December 2001 BBC Radio 4
Above the Title Productions Ltd for BBC Radio 4
Episode 1: The Time Machine.
Professor Branestawm turns his extraordinary brain powers to the greatest problem of them all - can human beings travel through time?
Episode 2: Burglars.
The crime rate in Great Pagwell soars from zero to one as Professor finds he has been burgled. But his ingenuity is more than equal to the problem, as almost everyone discovers except the burglar.
Episode 3: Pancakes.
There is nothing Colonel Dedshott loves better than pancakes, he just can't get enough of them-but no-one can make enough pancakes to satisfy him. No-one, that is, until the Professor invents a pancake-making machine. As usual, things end up in a bit of a mess.
Episode 4: Everlasting Clocks.
The professor's clock keeps winding down, so he decides to create the world's first everlasting clock. However it proves everlasting in more sense than one - as the professor discovers when it strikes 13.
Episode 5: One Prof. Too Many.
The Professor takes a holiday to Pagwell-on-Sea, only to discover
that he has a twin, who is performing the comedy act at the end of the pier.
Their unexpected meeting has hilarious consequences.
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I believe in children’s audio drama. I believe that it has to be of an equivalent or higher standard than adult audio drama. Preferably able to call upon multiple voices, with big sound effects, big music. Written with great skill and verve. Kids need to be exposed to the highest standards to have something to inspire them and something to aim at. And, hopefully, something to laugh at too.
This series adapted by Mike Stott for Above The Title was a superb example.
5 number 30 minute Episodes 230 minutes in total
Below is a very good Introduction to Professor Branestawm from the h2g2 website
The stories are the creation of a performer who preferred to write. They began on BBC radio, then transferred to a series of books which eventually became a TV series.
The author Professor Branestawm is the invention of the English writer, Norman Hunter (1899 - 1995) born in London. This was, as he put it, 'a few years after the other Normans got there'. Despite being born at the very end of Queen Victoria's reign, throughout his life he remained very much a traditional Victorian in his manner: energetic and hard working, inventive yet old-fashioned.
Also in the 1930s Hunter wrote a series of stories for children which were broadcast on BBC Radio. These concerned the adventures of a somewhat eccentric inventor called Professor Branestawm. The time and word limits of a radio programme and the need for a clear story line with firmly stated characters suited Hunter's talents as a writer, however the radio was not enough to show his love of theatrical visual humour and the use of comic spelling.
The first Professor Branestawm book, The Incredible Adventures of Professor Branestawm was published in 1933. It was illustrated by W Heath Robinson (1872 - 1944), whose already published cartoons showing crazy inventions may well have been the inspiration behind some of the stories of the absent-minded professor.
In this first book the Professor invents a time machine, makes all the waste paper in his house come to life and builds a burglar-catcher which accidentally traps its inventor. Later books include inventing non-shine invisible glass, paint-on carpet and machines for bowling cricket balls, peeling potatoes, making pancakes, stroking cats and finding lost property. It is best to draw a veil over what happened the day the Professor discovered that the Great Pagwell Bank had trespassed on his territory and had the cheek to invent a money-paying-out-machine.
Thames TV in Teddington had already made the Professor's original adventures into an 8 part TV series shown in 1969 and for the next 10 years Hunter began to write more books about him.
The last book, Professor Branestawm's Perilous Pudding, was published in 1980 when its author was 81.
One of these later books, Professor Branestawm's Dictionary, had the Professor moving away from inventing actual contraptions and into creative writing. More specifically, writing a dictionary (or 'fictionary') of 'all those words that seem to have better meanings than the ones usually given to them' giving full rein to his creator's love of inventiveness with words. For example:
abominable - 'a piece of explosive swallowed by a male cow'
explain - 'eggs cooked without any trimmings'
footnote - 'the writing on the side of sports shoe's
metronome - 'a pixie living on the Paris underground railway'
pungent - 'a comedian who makes a play on words'
Originally the Professor Branestawm stories were aimed at 9 - 12 year old children 'particularly boys' but their popularity grew much wider than this. Hunter made no secret of who the Professor was based on. Instead of a statement that the character was not based on any person, living or dead, he quite openly admitted, 'Professor Branestawm jolly well represents me'.
Although considered as children's classics, some of the language now seems quaint and out dated. However, Hunter's inventive and magical turn of phrase shines out from every page. Even minor characters had appropriate names. The reader knows exactly what he means by:
'rattled and squerked'
'inventions went a bit bustable'
The books are built around a fairly unchanging formula. In all of the stories Professor Branestawm shows the incurable optimism of an incompetent inventor. He leads a simple life in an English village called Pagwell, a place where it essentially remains the 1930s throughout all the books. The professor, supported by his friend Colonel Dedshott, makes elaborate plans with excellent intentions. These backfire in every conceivable way and his long suffering housekeeper is dismayed but still serves tea.
'Professor Branestawm, like all great men, had simple tastes. He wore simple trousers with two simple legs.' Whatever needed inventing, Professor Theophilus Branestawm was the man for the job. He was a master of mechanics and a doctor of dynamics. His mind was too busy thinking about extraordinary things to be bothered with ordinary ones. It was teeming with brilliantly simple ideas which would make him rush off to his Inventory. Using whatever materials he could find, he would set about the task of bringing these ideas to reality.
The Professor had a bald head with a high forehead which was handy as he needed room for all the pairs of spectacles. He always wore at least 5 pairs at once and usually mislaid some of them. He wore them all at the same time in case he needed them, since they each had a special function. Some were just ones for reading and writing, but others had a specific job, such as such as the pair of 'look-at-you-over-the-top-of' spectacles and the pair to wear when looking for the others if they were lost. He might also be observed tugging handfuls of spectacles out of every pocket of his white lab coat held together by safety pins. These pockets could contain other items such as half eaten buns.
Nobody could really understand what he was saying, although they knew it was something clever. The Professor had few friends because of this but the exception was Colonel Dedshott.
Colonel Dedshott of the Catapult Cavaliers
'...a very brave gentleman who never missed a train, an enemy or an opportunity of getting into trouble'.
Colonel Dedshot was the Professor's best friend and ally, who would bring a military air of precision into otherwise fairly haphazard events. He always wore his full dress uniform including a plumed hat, long boots and sword, proudly displaying many jangling medals on his chest. On his belt he carried his trusty catapult and a bag of bullets, just in case. He used an eyeglass to peer at things closely. His hobbies included gardening.
The Professor's explanations nearly always made the Colonel's head go round and round and he understood very little. Even so, he remembered to say 'jolly clever' in all the right places and take money from his bank account to finance the schemes. When he wasn't striding places in a brisk military manner, he rode a horse but this meant that he was never bothered by parking problems, since there weren't any notices in Pagwell that said 'No horse-parking'.
Mrs. Flittersnoop was the Professor's patient and efficient housekeeper who kept neat and tidy order amongst the chaos. Whatever the disasters going on around her, she could be found serving tea, lemonade and cake, or preparing good, sensible sit-down meals.
Mrs. Flittersnoop had a very large extended family living in the Pagwell area. She sometimes sought sanctuary from the chaos at the Professor's house by staying with her sister Aggie and her tram driver husband at Lower Pagwell. She had a fireman friend from Pagwell Fire station.
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